Hard decisions

I chose not to see mum in the chapel of rest as I wanted my last memory of her to be when I saw her the day before, smiling at me when I said goodbye that one final time. The funeral came and it was quite an event if I can call it that. The flowers, the words said about my mum were amazing. Still no grief through. When would it hit?

Life went on, I moved house with my wife, gained a promotion, got married to Sammy in 2012 and our little daughter Olivia was growing so much everyday. By the time it got to 2013, things were looking good. In the January I had an accident playing football and tore my knee ligament, fractured my ankle and damaged ankle ligaments too. I was off work and on crutches when a few days later my wife’s grandad passed away. I was at the hospital when he died and was sat outside as the memories of my mum came flooding back. After a while, I was asked if I wanted to go in and pay my respects. I was hesitant as I’d never seen a dead body. I didn’t know what to expect but it was peaceful, quiet and whilst people were upset, that feeling of relief had come back. We sat in the room for what seemed like ages whilst everyone said their goodbyes.

The year went on without any issues, dad was still fine and bearing up, until July came along. Sammy and Olivia were going on a small holiday with her other nan. We visited my dad on the Sunday, it was a gloriously hot day, we had lunch and then it was time to go. Olivia idolised my dad Ted and he loved Olivia so, so much. He would always buy her Maltesers when he saw her as a treat and tell her loads of stories. I can remember dad saying “Don’t forget to tell me all about your holiday darling!! Come back and see me”. We said goodbye, but for some reason, I said goodbye a little longer than usual. I gave him a kiss as I always did and hugged him that little bit longer. “Get out of it you silly sod!” He said to me. We laughed and left.

A couple of days later whilst I was at home, I got a call from one of my brothers. The sort of call which you wouldn’t wish on anyone. His tone was straight, no emotion and he simply said “Dad’s dead”. I asked why he would say such a wicked thing? “Listen to me, come over now. Don’t worry, everything is going to be ok.” I remember dropping the phone and falling to the floor. I screamed out dad, I was shaking, crying, panicking, worrying, every emotion you can image. I got in the car and drove straight round. When I arrived, I saw the ambulance and police car in the drive and knew it was true. I sobbed as I entered the house. Both brothers were there and we all hugged.