Almost 5 years later and the reaction of telling someone I lost my partner when I was 23 is just the same. Shock, disbelief, a few tears sometimes. I laugh awkwardly and say ‘yep, he was very young’. Despite how used to telling this story we are, I often forget that for most, it is a very upsetting and shocking thing to hear.
When you say ‘til death do us part’ on your wedding day, you don’t actually expect that to happen only 10 months later. Your life as you know it is paused, shaken around and thrown completely upside down. There’s a reason we use the phrase ‘other half’ to describe a partner, and when they die it feels quite literally as if half of you has been ripped away. Partner loss when you’re young is such an isolating feeling, it can feel like no one understands you and that no one’s life has changed in the drastic way that yours has.
Big days like birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day, can accentuate these feelings. You’re left feeling even more alone than usual, remembering the beautiful memories you had on these days with your partner and having no idea how to celebrate or experience them alone.
Finding people who understood these feelings was the turning point in my grief journey. I met Jess and Grace and we spent an afternoon walking round the harbourside chatting about everything we’d felt and experienced and exclaiming ‘YES! I felt that too’ whenever one of us would say something. We started Grief Ground to help young people who’d lost their partners to connect and find others who understood them.
But we don’t have all the answers on how to deal with these days, each person has to find their own way. Members of our community lean into walks in nature, comfort TV, podcasts, cooking new recipes. Our online calls are the perfect place to share experiences and learn how others have dealt with these tricky dates and big days.
If this resonates with you, we hope you can connect with others who get it during our online calls or in-person meet ups. We aim to provide a calm, low-pressure setting to meet people in a similar age bracket navigating partner loss – something that once seemed out of reach for the three of us before we met. We often laugh and say “I hate why I know you”, but love the community we have begun to foster at Grief Ground. We hope you don’t need to join us, but will be glad you’ve found us if you do.
Rachel, co-founder of Grief Ground – a community for those navigating partner loss in their 20s and 30s
Follow Grief Ground on Instagram here to join one of their meet ups
