Chris Alton reflects on his changing relationship to grief in the decade since the loss of his mum, and how he has created spaces for others to work with their grief through events and art.
It’s 2026, but 2016 is trending. People are waxing nostalgic for fashion, music, and that Snapchat dog filter from a decade ago. But there is very little about 2016 that I look back on fondly or even remember with much clarity.
The year began with my Mum’s abrupt death due to secondary cancer. I was devastated by this loss, but felt unable to express how I felt. Refecting on this now, I keep circling back to ideas of permission and acceptance; permission to express my emotions and the acceptance of those emotions by others, regardless of their messiness, their contractions, and their unfixability.
In many ways, the opposite was expected of me; or so I thought. I had spent 24 years unknowingly imbibing a masculinity that celebrated strength and shamed vulnerability. So, at my most fragile moment, I hid. I cloaked myself in a duvet, took to my bed, and binge watched sitcoms that I’d loved in my teens.
Looking back, I wonder whether I was trying to ‘wait it out’; to let time heal my unsightly wound. It had worked with sprained ankles and broken bones, so why not this?
Grief. I did not want it. I tried bury it. I wanted to move on.
It’s 2026, and my relationship to my grief has changed dramatically. In the intervening years I have seen three therapists, opened up to friends, learned how to cry again, and given my grieving-self the permission and acceptance that was always needed. Sadly, it took a period of mental illness for me to ask for help.
The shift has been gradual and hard won, but I no longer think of my grief as an unsightly wound. I recognise that it’s part of me; in all of its messiness, contradiction, and unfixability. I’ve found a new vocabulary for grief and challenge the myth that vulnerability is shameful.
Over the last 5 years (in collaboration with my partner, Emily Simpson, who was bereaved of their Dad in 2016) I’ve been making unconventional spaces for others to do the same. We organise dinners where people bring dishes they associate with people who’ve died; we host karaoke nights where people sing songs in memory or celebration of things (people, places, futures) they’re grieving for; and we make exhibitions of artworks that gather together the ideas and reflections that people have shared with us.
In 2026, Emily and I will be presenting one such exhibition at Warrington Museum & Art Gallery (14 Feb – 19 April). The central artwork is a large textile shelter, covered in colourful quotations. Titled Grief Must be Love With Nowhere to Go, the exhibition reflects upon common – yet often unspoken – experiences of grief whilst respecting that each persons’ relationship with grief is unique.
Check out Chris and Emily’s exhibition at Warrington Museum & Art Gallery: https://wmag.culturewarrington.org/whats-on/grief-must-be-love-with-nowhere-to-go/
Chris Alton
Chris Alton is an artist. Since 2021, he has been working in collaboration with Emily Simpson on a project regarding grief, the lack of language for expressing it, and the creation of public spaces for it to be shared.
To find out more about Chris and Emily’s work, please check out their websites:
Chris Alton: https://chrisalton.com/
Emily Simpson: https://emilysimpsonxoxx.cargo.site/